So, fam, I have a new question. Many people within Deluge (our youth group for you people who stumble across this) including Jeremy, say that "clicks" and "groups" are a problem. Many people say they hate them and the groups only hang with each other etc. etc. But no one really tries to change it very much. The same people who say they hate groups and whatnot are themselves mostly staying within a "click" or "group."
Recent history of the youth group "clicks" aside, how serious of a problem is this? How much of it is simply people being friends and having some friends that are closer then others? How much of it is people actually being exclusive and WANTING to have a "click" and how much of it is that people are just more likely to hang out with their close friends then others?
Jesse and Doug, even though you aren't here, you've certainly I'm sure seen this dynamic happen within a youth group (and in Jesse's case you know most of the Deluge crowd even if you haven't been here recently) so you're input is appreciated.
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Wow, interesting question. I would say it is very obvious the various "clicks" within Metro. I would also say that it is NOT just the young people. I know that over the years I have struggled (I also know specific others who have struggled with this) feeling as though I could not "get in" to specific groups.
Now, is this partly because I was having a bad attitude and also being aloof? Yes, very much so. I was waiting for them to reach out to me more so than I was attempting to reach out and get to know them.
On the other hand, it makes it difficult when people are exclusive with one another in an obvious way.
Ok, so, the other question you had was basically is there anything wrong with it. I would think that it depends on the situation. We cannot be friends with everyone and we are always going to have close friends that we hang with the majority of the time. I think the large get togethers are the times to reach out and make sure we are not being exclusive. I also think the young people need to be even more careful than someone like me. I have three kids, don't get out much, and my priority is my family. You guys are out more, do more large party type events that would be great opportunities to reach out to the un-popular or people outside of your groupie.
In a nutshell, you should have close friends who push you, help you to grow, and of course have lots of fun with. (they do not have to all be pretty though, Jake) The other random times, I do think reaching out should be the priority. At least take the opportunity to let them know you know they exist. Even something as small as how is school going or maybe "holla at ya" would be a lot for some people.
Wow, I should really stop rambling.
I did want to add one thing. Jake, you are actually pretty good about reaching out and conversing with a lot of different people. You also have a lot of different friends from a lot of different "clicks"
That is certainly not the norm. Most people are exclusive and shallow when it comes to friends. I just wanted you to know you do a pretty decent job. :-)
I agree with Jaime; you can definitely tell the different "clicks" and for the most part, are extremely exclusive, in my opinion. But what do you expect? Once you really get to know one another, do you want to go through all the trouble of getting to know EVERYONE? Granted, lots of people aren't "in a click" yourself included (I would say that the bball guys you hang out with are not totally a "click", but could be if they wanted to.)
Anyways, I've struggled with it too, and then just gave up. What's the point? If they don't want to hang out, they don't want to hang out.
As far as it being wrong, in some ways yes, in some ways no. Yes, it could be wrong when the norm is to only hang out and do fun stuff, and stupid stuff, and see movies all the time, etc. But no, when there is a fair balance between true fellowship, and entertainment.
Another thing I noticed is that people are different when they are "outside" their click. Some people tend to be really mature around other people, and super immature when they are with their friends. This is what bugs me the most about the clicks in Metro (and I'm obviously talking about the youth/singles, not about the married people that Jaime mentioned.)
This type of behavior lends itself to trouble. Because if you are acting different, you are obviously trying to impress somebody. This means your trying to impress EVERYBODY; with your friends you want to act like them, so you act immature. Around acquaintences you want to act mature to seem "cool" and "Godly."
Maybe I am being judgemental? Or maybe super insightful? :-D
Another thing that bugs me. (did not realize I even cared until you brought this up, Jake)
I have a problem with people selectivly reaching out and including people in their group. Example: Valarie versus LOTS of other kids. This comment does not reflect on Valarie, so I assume no offence will be taken.
Valarie has been in the church for less than four months. I think she has been included, reached out to, and accepted by more different clicks and groups than anyone I have ever seen. She is pretty, outgoing, and athletic. I would think that overall she would say the "youth" or "singles" in Metro are very nice and reach out well. Now, ask a ton of other random people, and they would totally not agree.
There are some people who have been here for years, or their whole life!, who not many people have bothered to take the time to get to know them, ask them to go to a movie etc etc etc.
Most "normal" random people hang out with about two other people ALL the time because they are not "included" in the large other groups.
Jaime, I completely agree. Or us, when we moved here. Or Ashley, becuase she was athletic, played sports and stuff too. Its the people that are not identified with, who don't play sports, or aren't good looking, and are...well, normal. People tend to overlook them. I'm guilty of this too at times.
i'm sorry, i'm not family...but i'd like to throw in my 2 cents, if i may...
after seeing my friends from miami move up to metro and observing their struggle to fit into a group and/or formulate good, God glorifying, biblicaly fellshiping relationships, i think the "clicks" might BE a problem.
(i'm not saying it's just Metro's fault, but it's a lil on both sides)
i agree with jamie...it's NOT just the young people, i know Mia has struggled with this too...but i also understand how it can be hard as a large church to reach out to EVERYONE and while trying to be purposeful with your own friendships as well...
BUT i think the root of this problem is the great commandment:
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind (which you guys do GREAT) and love your neighbor as yourself (might need a little work).
i know this is soo long…but i have to tell you this...
about Valarie: i agree that her pure beauty, athletic abilities, and outgoing nature could cause all the groups to love and accept her...but I see her life as such a testimony that others should learn from! my dear friend Coralita says she loves Valarie and i asked her why...she said "everytime i pass by her she says HI to me! She won't even let me pass by her without saying hello" what a simple act of love!! going out of your own world, friends, and passions to reach out to others and ask them about themselves! I think a simple "hello" "how are you doing" can say SOOO much! *i TOTALLY agree with Jamie* this would REVOLUTIONIZE metro's relationships...
it's amazing how one word can make such a difference.
loving others as you love yourself = "hello" with a genuine excitement and joy to see a fellow believer in Christ whether they're in your "click" or not :) Do this metro…and you will see the walls of the “groups” come crashing down! *I guarantee it*
by pastora melinda ;)
good question jake. i understand where the question about how important this is might come from, after all, you are right in acknowledging that people are going to naturally gravitate towards some and not others.
having said that, i believe this topic of clicks is immensely important based on the call in james 2 to avoid showing favoritism.
jaime makes a good points in stating that the time to reach out and avoid hanging with one's click is in group settings. this is the time to make people feel accepted and welcome and the outgoing people in the group are the ones most likely able to accomplish this. however, it can't be done if one is hanging out w/ their click. there are always plenty of opportunities to hang w/ one's friends than in this setting.
set the example and go and talk to those you don't know so well.
now jake, if you're going to be blogging this much, which it appears that you are, it's time to go and learn the proper use of then and than.
Sounds good. You explain the differences between then and than and I'll explain the differences between atonement and ressurection :-).
No but seriously Doug and Jaime that's very helpful especially as I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate through all these things. Thanks.
you just rest in the safety of the 1800 miles that seperates us and keeps me from smacking you ;)
Found your blog off of Pyro. The thing with clicks is…I don’t think they’re all that bad. I mean, Jesus chose 12. Out of the 12 he chose 3. Out of the 3 it is said that one was the “Beloved.” Ussually when I hear people slamming a ministry because of Clicks it is they who are not that involved. Or it is a click that has other issues. Example, Girl Group A looks down on Girl Z because she “doesn’t fit in their social construct. That isn’t an issue of clicks that is a heart issue. We even see this exhibited in the disciples when in Mark 9. Just my two cents.
Funny to stumble upon YOUR blog considering I am no where close to your click, I mean group of friends;) but I have to say that I found all of this lingo back and forth very interesting. I think that God has in His wisdom link certain people with certain people in His tapestry to glorify His name.
I do believe that God has called us to dwell amongst eachother and have biblical fellowship with eachother to uplift His truth, I agree with many of you when you state that only socializing with the same people ALL THE TIME could become a problem not just for others but for yourself and that it is never encouraging to someone to put them down because they are not like you or the rest of the people you tend to hang out with, but I would challenge you to not be tempted to look at others around you seeing if they are reaching out but to put upon yourself to be the one who reaches out and encourage your friends to do the same with you. The close friend that you are talking to at the moment when "not so good smelling" walks in could go along with you or you with them as they say hello to the "newest outsider". Thats evangelizing, thats what we are called to do no matter the differences. On the same note its ok that there are differences and sometimes they are going to be noticable. But remember the close friend that you were talking to before the newbie walked in? You are going to have friends that are close to you that you are going to hang out with more then others and with me thats ok, my closest friends (or click)are those who drew me out when I first started attending the church; when we first started talking or hanging out I had to put forth the same amount of effort as they for the friendships to develop , they are the ones who hold me accountable and help me to grow to be more Christlike, to many of them I am nothing like, and I believe when I am with them just having lunch and catching up or crying to them about the most recent time of repentence those times would not be as beneficial if they were with 30 different people who dont know me well all in the name of not being in a click or group. I do agree with making it a point to not be obviously exclusive and to welcome others in your conversations and such, but be careful to think that you yourself arent in such a group. Thanks for letting an old married lady comment on your blog:)
thanks medana that was a sweet post (although your new nickname is going to be Medana "the run-on sentence" Cox (see Doug isn't the only one who can make fun of other people's english)...well in a conversation about clicks we've had comments from 4 different church's...a businessman father, two stay-at-home moms...whatever Joe Martino is :-)...a Cuban and then whatever me Joey and Janelle are. I think that's sweet :-).
"Clicks" have been around forever. They are a human problem, not a Metro problem. I have been to many schools, churches, and other groups in my 5+ decades and I've never been in a situation where clicks weren't present.
"Clicks" are rooted in a sinful heart that selects friends based on how much they are like me and the other "like me's" that are a part of my click. "Friendship", however, is a gift from God.
I agree with Medana and think that sometimes God-ordained and historic friendships can be misdefined as clicks. If I have known someone for many years, enjoyed sweet fellowship with them, walked through trials and joys with them this history will be evident to others. When God brings people together there is visible warmth and affection that He has granted as a gift. If, however, this gift of friendship results in sinful favoritism and selfishly refusing to reach out to others then certainly the Lord is grieved.
I think Mindy is right. Sometimes a simple but sincere hello can melt the hearts of those who are longing to belong; to know they are accepted; to feel included.
And I agree with Jaime that large group events like Sunday morning, youth and singles meetings, etc are the perfect time to look for those who are sitting alone or look displaced.
Alot of wisdom has been shared here. I'm grateful!
I just pray that we all take this great conversation and make progress in reaching out to others. Lord, please help us.
Clicks are from the devil. Anyone involved in a click should be burned at the stake. The only thing worse than a click is a cessationist, prophetically speaking.
You stink. Just because I had a valid point you deleted my comment. :-D
Wait a second, nevermind, that wasn't me!! :-)
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